When I parked in the driveway yesterday late afternoon, I heard an intense humming - maybe the neighbor's pool pump? Maybe someone vacuuming? But the sound was closer...bees?

Apparently, our trees in front burst into blossom every Feb. I looked into the tree for a long moment; slowly they came into focus - a fair battalion of bees! Imagine what a tree covered in tiny blossoms must look like...it's bee nirvana! The mother lode of blossoms!

I feel different lately. As in, more like myself. The yawning gap between what I'm doing with my days (and how I feel I have to act) and what I really want to do and be has shrunk down to a small crevice; it could even disappear altogether, if I'm patient and keep listening quietly to what I really need. I find that in working on something that's so much closer to my heart, my real self comes out and seems to make others light up too. Every day now, sometimes several times a day, I have that warm ball in my chest, as I stop and think of the great things I have and the people I love.

So many good things have happened in the last few months, all part of a positive process. I find I can actually see myself doing things I couldn't quite see before. I hesitate to say much more; I'd rather let myself keep working on this progression. As more good things materialize, I'll be posting specifics...but I'm in the middle of an exciting (and scary) transition to a new job as a personal trainer.

Aside: It's so funny how we let fear stop us from doing things. When you're afraid, other people seem so confident, so capable and "together." How do they do it? And then, you realize two things: One, you're so capable it's silly you thought for a moment that you weren't; and two, *everyone is scared sometimes.* What's more, people who seem hyper-productive in one area are often doing that extra work because they're *avoiding other things they fear more.*

I figure, that little edge of fear or nervousness about something you really want to do means...just do it!

Nonsequitur comment...I love making food! This was a simple grilled-veggie project - just stuck 'em in a Ziploc with soy sauce (Bragg's, actually), a bit of fish sauce, tons of garlic and ginger (TONS), mirin and olive oil, and then grilled. :> The portabella mushrooms in particular were tasty!