It's weird to me, how it's alternately hard/easy to talk about it this time. We've lost another baby, which happens...but while it's happening, boy does it hurt. It was somewhat like last time, no heartbeat at the 9-10 week ultrasound. It apparently had happened recently, a loss of blood flow to the fetus.

The first thing we want to ask is, Why?? Why no miscarriage, again? No warning signs even, this time. It seems my body will do anything to hold on to the idea of a baby! We're having some tests done, but I don't necessarily expect answers. At least, it could out-rule some causes; though we may be left assuming that it was just a case of odds, and muster the guts to try again anyway. ...Which I would do, because humans are that way - remarkably resilient, and having strong drives.

It just hurts. --And anyone who has been through it knows it adds stress to a relationship and to a bank account. --And I really feel the modern lack of community - i.e., no-one just to talk or cry to for an hour, live, at short notice. My family does their best via phone, and friends are sympathetic. Everyone' just busy, including us! It's strange though, when you have a couple of forced rest days and need to grieve, and the immediate world's schedule has no space for that.

I know I'm lucky to have Greg, and even have this opportunity to try for kids. But right now, I'm sad, and I miss that little nugget.